Missing People

For those of you who know me I have never seemed stable. My latest search for peace of mind has once agian led me to Kuwait where I thought my head would clear and some sense of what it may be to be normal might return. However as ussual I was wrong to think that a change of scenery changes me in a physical sense that is. I find myself this week decorating my crappy apartment here in Kuwait with numerous pictures of my children and family. How sad to know that they are so close and all I have to do is catch the next flight out to be with them. How I want so baddly to be the soccer mom they deserve yet here I sit unable to committ to those I miss the most? Sometimes I wonder if they themselves know how hard it is for me to sit idling by as they grow into such amazing individuals. My son Nathan is 11 now but I do not think he uinderstanmds a mother's bond with her child because he is truely my life force. The one who keeps me looking toward some hope of a stable future. He is my best friend. My daughter Amaira is 6 now but it seems as if it were yesterday when I first started traveling. She was 17 months old then. I do not think anyone realizes it but the day I left her I cried almost the whole flight. I guess with all of that I should be more apt to act or to settle but how can one settle, be a mom, a friend, a role model, or anything to anyone when they are trapped inside their own head looking for a way out.